My Dears
by IsoldeRubyGenevieneCeilteach
Summary: Grizabella that's telling about her four daughters, Bombalurina, Demeter, Jemima and Sillabub. How she apologises, searches forgiveness and love for all that she has done to them.


I was beautiful, respected and glamourous ... No, not just glamourous. _The _Glamour Cat! Well, I _was. _Now I'm old, tired and rejected. It's all my own fault. It was the fault of my ambission.

_'I don't want to keep her.' I said to the orange, black and white tabby._

_'It's your daughter!'_

_'She's also yours!'_

_'Griddlebone's pregnant. I can't bring a kitten with me now ... Why don't you want to raise her?'_

_'She's too beautiful and will be the next Glamour Cat if goes with me. I don't want that. I don't want anyone to steal my title.' he looked at me with disgust._

_'You're a monster, Grizabella. God, how drunk must I have been that I actually spent a night with you!'_

_'Take her! I don't want her! I already don't see her as my daughter. I'm holding a stranger.' the tabby looked at the scarlet kitten I was holding. Then he grabbed it out of my arms._

_'I will take her with me and you know why? Because now I realise what a slut you are and I don't want that my daughter grows up with a slut!' the kitten curled herself up in her father's fur. He looked down and smiled at her. Then he turned back to me._

_'Farewell.'_

That was the last time I saw my former lover. Growltiger took my eldest daughter away from me. That was the thing I wanted. I didn't wanted to be a mother. She would only ruin my life. That was what I thought back then. But now I realise what a mistake I made. I lost my first child. I lost my first real joy. I didn't even name her, but nine years later I heard stories about Growltiger's eldest daughter. They named her The Scarlet Scorpio. Then I heard her real name was Bombalurina. Yes, my little Bombalurina. My child, my daughter that I had let slip away.

_I was sitting at the table of the bar when three toms run in and cried for everybody's attention._

_'He's dead! The Terror of the Thames is dead!' Everyone cheered, except for me. Dead? Wait ... and Bombalurina? What had happened to her?_

_'And his children?' I asked._

_'No, they're alive. Ghengis took them as hostages. He brings them to Macavity.' My stomach sank. To Macavity? Oh dear God! I knew Bombalurina was a beautiful queen and I knew what Macavity did to beautiful queens._

But my motherly worrings soon dissapeared as I realised I had never even spoke to my daughter! So why should I be worried about her innocence? My ambitions returned, as my jealousy. I had another daughter, which I decided to keep. She was the daughter of a stray that had been hit by a car. Her name was Demeter. A beautiful black and gold queen. My fear returned that she would take my title of Glamour Cat and I couldn't give her to her father. Then I realised that I had asked Macavity a favour once and still hadn't repaid it. One day I took Demeter on the streets to meet an old friend of mine.

_'Mom, where are we going?' the eight years old queen asked._

_'You'll see.' we reached an alley. There he stood, with a few henches behind him. I pushed Demeter towards him._

_'Is this her?' he asked, smiling._

_'Yes.'_

_'She's gorgeous.' he said, caressing her face. She looked at me, but I looked away. 'Bring her to my lair.' I heard the henches grab my daughter and how she struggled._

_'Mom! Mom! Help me! Mom!' but I didn't do anything. When I finally looked up, they were gone._

Demeter. Sweet, young, innocent Demeter in the claws of that monster. What had I done? She had done nothing. She, and her sister, had just been so beautiful. Too beautiful. I felled, and feel, like the evil Queen of Snowhite. But then I got pregnant again, of a Jellicle. A Jellicle called Skimbleshanks. He gave me a twin. They made me think of a dove and cream. So I named them Jemima and Sillabub.

_I walked over the streets with the two kittens in my arms. They looked at me as I began to run. How sooner I had done this how better. I saw the Junkyard and smiled. Finally._

_'Do you think they're still following us.'_

_'No, we've lost them.' I heard voices and quickly hid myself behind a tree. Four cats appeared and my eyes widened as I reconized one of them. Demeter! She was supporting a pure white queen and next to her was like ... a replica of Growltiger, only smaller. My eyes were took by the eldest. A queen. I gasped. Bombalurina. Wow, how beautiful she had become. She looked around as if she sensed something. Then without a warning, her eyes met mines. We froze._

_'Bomba? Yo, sis!' the tabby shook her shoulder. She blinked and pointed to me. Demeter looked at me and then her face turned from surprise to anger._

_'You.' she hissed. I stepped out of my hiding place, knowing it had no sence to hide myself when I was caught._

_'Me.' I only said._

_'Sorry, but who is she?' the white queen asked._

_'This, Victoria, is the dear mother of Bomba and myself.' Demeter said like she was ashamed of it. With all the rights. Now the tabby and Victoria looked also in disgust. Bomba then noticed the kittens._

_'Are you going to leave them to? Or sell them to Macavity?' she hissed._

_'No ... I'm going to let them by the Jellicle Tribe. That's the best place for them to grow.'_

_'Oh, now you care for your children.' The kittens cocked their heads towards their elder sister. Suddenly I saw that they reached with their tiny hands towards her. I put them on the ground. Bomba and Dem walked towards them and picked them up. The kittens snuggled in their fur, falling asleep._

_'Looks like they like you.' I said cold. 'Their father's Skimbleshanks. Tell him and he'll know what to do.' I turned to leave._

_'That's it?' Demeter asked. 'Don't you even want to say goodbey to them?'_

_'Jemima and Sillabub are not my business anymore.'_

_'You heartless slut.' Bomba hissed. 'C'mon Demeter, let's go to these Jellicles. Hopefully Jemima and Sillabub will have a better life than ours.'_

That had been the last time I had seen and heard my daughters. They hate me. I know it and they have all the rights to. I just wish that I could start again. I want to show them all my motherly love. I want to hold them and protect them of all the bad things in the world. I love them. I love my daughters. I often spy their lives at the Junkyard. Bomba is just like me, the only difference is that she's smart and caring. Demeter's more shy, but also full of life. Jemima, oh that cute little thing, she's so sweet, just like Sillabub. Sillabub is only more cheeky.

Please, my dears, forgive me. Forgive your mother. Give me another chance. Give me the chance to make everything up. I love you. I'll be there, always when you need me. I'll be there. Know I will.

I'm Grizabella The Glamour Cat. The mother of Bombalurina The Scarlet Scorpio, Demeter The Golden Lady, Jemima The Black Rose and Sillabub The White Rose and I'm proud to be.


End file.
